Undercover inferno
Aaahh…even a cold water shower ain’t soothing...the body cherishes the respite though, but what to do with this head, that by no means seems to be relieved???
Neither the heat nor the humidity stands culpable…it’s just that masquerading as being happy has now got on my nerves and though only for this moment, I want to spill my overwhelming frustration…
Today I regret my first suicide attempt…not that I have found something meaningful in life, it’s just my survival that I lament…
I curse my lopsided effort…I should have given my 100%. At least, it would have ruled me out of the way of a few who are jealous of me and would have conferred eternal peace to my hankering soul as the situation today seems to be a nuance portrayal of what it was three years back.
Until last year, the anniversary of my suicide attempt was just that…this year, it happens to be the birthday of the girl I am in love with. Now tell me, should I celebrate the disgust???
My love story harks back to every letdown that I have confronted…yeah…she does not realize my love for her and if she does, she is rude…
The words of my best friend are enough of caress to subsist but do they solve any purpose??
Answer is a blatant ‘no’ and the only good thing about it is that she really cares even if no one else does…
My love life seems to be pathetic…even the character in a book that I tend to fall for, either commits suicide (sejal…I miss u) or turn me down the other way (dear holy…).
Even facebook has gone traitor…every application that I use seems to alleviate my mental disarray…
And to add to the tribulations, a raunchy prick pisses me at such a late hour with his CID PJs and adult messages…given a chance, I will plug the bastard. But I am all helpless…and this is what the problem with life is…
I am helpless and I have always been…
The ovation that at times I unpack due to the ruthless hard-work that I put in to set things right at work might ensure a grin all through the day but it ain’t satisfactory enough to get a catnap…
I am fed up of these sleepless nights…
I want to commit suicide but I have to live for the very few who want to see me alive against my wishes...
I wish...
P.S. – even the bracketed humor has died out…
P.S. – the horoscope no more gets me going…I have had much of it…it’s never correct…
Aaahh…even a cold water shower ain’t soothing...the body cherishes the respite though, but what to do with this head, that by no means seems to be relieved???
Neither the heat nor the humidity stands culpable…it’s just that masquerading as being happy has now got on my nerves and though only for this moment, I want to spill my overwhelming frustration…
Today I regret my first suicide attempt…not that I have found something meaningful in life, it’s just my survival that I lament…
I curse my lopsided effort…I should have given my 100%. At least, it would have ruled me out of the way of a few who are jealous of me and would have conferred eternal peace to my hankering soul as the situation today seems to be a nuance portrayal of what it was three years back.
Until last year, the anniversary of my suicide attempt was just that…this year, it happens to be the birthday of the girl I am in love with. Now tell me, should I celebrate the disgust???
My love story harks back to every letdown that I have confronted…yeah…she does not realize my love for her and if she does, she is rude…
The words of my best friend are enough of caress to subsist but do they solve any purpose??
Answer is a blatant ‘no’ and the only good thing about it is that she really cares even if no one else does…
My love life seems to be pathetic…even the character in a book that I tend to fall for, either commits suicide (sejal…I miss u) or turn me down the other way (dear holy…).
Even facebook has gone traitor…every application that I use seems to alleviate my mental disarray…
And to add to the tribulations, a raunchy prick pisses me at such a late hour with his CID PJs and adult messages…given a chance, I will plug the bastard. But I am all helpless…and this is what the problem with life is…
I am helpless and I have always been…
The ovation that at times I unpack due to the ruthless hard-work that I put in to set things right at work might ensure a grin all through the day but it ain’t satisfactory enough to get a catnap…
I am fed up of these sleepless nights…
I want to commit suicide but I have to live for the very few who want to see me alive against my wishes...
I wish...
P.S. – even the bracketed humor has died out…
P.S. – the horoscope no more gets me going…I have had much of it…it’s never correct…
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