in this beautiful world...



It perched there…at the nook of her eye…silent and snug…

As she closed her eyes, it rolled down her cheek, the left one…

A transparent priceless pearl it was…

I stood there, right in front of her, staring at her face…

Neither did she say anything nor did I…

I grinned at her and she reciprocated either way…

Her brow rose only to thaw as I indicated the few extra pounds that she had managed to put on…

She playfully indicated the relative emaciation of me that I did shrug off…

She held her hand out over my head and gave a slight dab before I said,

” maa,tumari bahut yaad ayi…”

She smiled back at me and said,

” haan, tabhi to tu 6 mahine nai aya…”

A tear rolled down my eye and I embraced her as if I were a small child.

Never had been a conversation so complete…all I wanted was to keep staring at her sweet chubby face, till eternity…
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Two days I spent in the shade of impeccable love…
These two days stripped me of my obsession for black (clothes), though not by choice but for love…
These two days refurbished the positivity of my blood (though only for a day), which if not by wont but at least by name happens to be ‘be positive’ …
These two days brought back the freedom of being a kid… (Deep thought…try to decipher)
These two days brought me a few (in households like ours, ‘few’ means half a dozen) new t-shirts… (None being black though)
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Ahh…How good it feels to be loved…


P.S. – If only…

I was never ALIVE…

Today I slept like I was never alive…

When woke up, I was long back in time…

I knew nothing, neither the name nor the climb…

Ripped of language and the senses and dime…

Everything strange and all so frayed…

You were the only, my only hymn…

My head crashed in the table besides…

Just to bring me back to life…

Ruins and the bruises and the lacerations and the cries…

All I had was a doomed divine…

I wailed, I cried and searched for my life…

But all I could find was a wary deny…

I had lost you and love and life…

All I could do was to cry and try…to sleep like I was never alive…

P.S. – sometimes, silences speak…

P.S. -…

down to one last breath...

So finally, I have been stripped of my week long stardom and again, I and my pals stand on the grounds of equality, fraternity and liberty.

Ya…I do cherish this stardom during exams. After all, it’s my answerbook that serves the reference to all my buddies. If not in a bunch of 55, at least I am the loner who studies (read ‘who is good at studies’ ;)) in my group of 10.

With a weeklong buckling under pressure, I swagger out of the mist, triumphant.

And here I am, all set to pull the rusty strings again…

It’s an idyll afternoon…balmy…showing signs of a tough summer ahead (curse the sun or the guys with AC)…

With nothing to do, I am engaged in my tryst with paper planes…I keenly observe its fluttering flight under the fan as if trying to discover some new theory of streamlining of wings…

Lucidly, I am not…

I am trying to figure out how we succumb to death when faced by tough circumstances…

(‘When the circumstances are tough, even the tough goes to sleep’…it’s how my friend would quote it.)

I am still not over the overwhelming happiness that I derived yesterday when I last breathed.

Sounds odd??? (I know it’s too odd to be odd…)

If metabolism (‘basal’ to be precise…) isn’t the only rationale behind breathing, then I breathe only when I see her… (It ain’t fun breathing without her)

The happiness is no less than the one you relish when you are permitted one last breath before being suffocated to death.

I have sailed through the perfect dreams…but I have never seen anything that amazes me quite like she does…

It’s hysterical for me to think that I have only a few last breathes left as with every ticking second, I am coming of age and will soon be a departed soul.

If only I had her love…

But I understand that you can’t force anybody into love…it’s something that is won. (if only I knew how…)

For long, I have been beating around the bushes…

But today, I realize that soon enough, I will be down to one last breath and so for the first time, on an official note, I want to say what I have rewritten a million times in my head and it reads,

“I love you…

Every time I see you, my heart leaps as if trying to approach you…

I feel a strange affinity for you (sometimes I myself fail to understand…)

I go round, just to be around you…

I do not have any attestation to authenticate the fact of my being in true love with you…but believe me, it isn’t infatuation…

And if it is, then I must admit that the bond between me and my mom is nothing but infatuation.”

To close with, I have a few lines (from the soundtrack of ‘Awalk to remember’ by Switchfoot)


There’s always something in the way…

There’s always something getting through…

It’s not me, it’s you…it’s you…


P.S. – my mom wanted me to deviate from my cult ‘love’ and write on ‘SAVE TIGER’. I didn’t find any place for it to fit in so just to keep my promise, I will give it a mention.

‘Dear readers,

Statistics read that only 1442 tigers are left in our country. The king of jungle will soon be found ruling only in books if we don’t take adequate measures…

Please, pay heed to the hottest issue on the carts…

Do what experts suggest (I will read an article over this, mom…promise!) and SAVE TIGER.’

P.S. – ever thougth how difficult it is to survive without breathing for a whole week…

Special thanks- ADMIN (haye haye)…hope they improvise the rapt internet connectivity before I have to thank them again.

Long to go before I sleep…

The Sunday magazine of HT besides me reads that your emotions have a direct impact on your health (fascinated)…

I wonder what emotion results in constipation???

Not to mention, only like thoughts pop up when you are sleepless at night and the arms of clock don’t agree to budge.

If a simile has to be established between my psyche and ‘something’, that ‘something’ would definitely be some session of parliament.

The fuss is no less…:(

Sometimes a bawdy gag pops up from nowhere, the other times some whodunit that I read sometime, fills the air…

A zephyr reminds me about my topping the charts of the TATA’S written test and my recent successful stints everywhere…

And as it crosses by, the blues of nostalgia catapult me back home…

I feel a pang when I realize that I am already half out of my Alma mater…just then, I see her flashing by…

Gaiety, fear, depression, qualms, melancholy, friendship, love… everything hounds my brain today.

Love intrigues me and there is nothing new about it…

But today it frightens me…

I feel a strange fear inside me…

What if you decide that you don't want me there in your life...
I think of December and then I think of the coming may…
I realize the worth of the minor conventions that I do have with you now…
Come this may and I will be like December again…
And come 2012 and I will be like December for the rest of my life…
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sometimes I think that if only I hadn’t seen her, I would have been happier…

Sometimes I regret the day when I came across her for the first time…

But at the same time, I admit that even the penumbra of hers soothes me enough to survive for eons.

I also don’t fail to admit that the day I discovered her, I unpacked the most precious gift of my life…

She seems to be the only meaning of being here…living this.

And the ‘flash cards’, ‘the list’…all come from her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
I love the feeling…
But at the same time, I hate to love this feeling…
what should i do next??
I don’t see a way out of this mist…

All I can do is to kneel down before the one I have blindfold faith in…GOD

If only he does justice to one and all…AMEN.

P.S. – my resolution: how so ever I may feel, I won’t write anything before mid-sems.

P.S. - get me some kip, man!!

P.S. - …

Special thanks - admin, as always. Thank you for the breakneck internet speed and rapt connectivity especially at important times.

Love happens


What could probably make a boy (one who has to shave weekly, if not daily…) utter just three words in a 45 minute telephonic conversation (that too an STD call…does that matter these days???)?

Before CID takes the reins and finds out something out of the world (ya…they are planning to redo 3 idiots in which they supposedly will arrest Chatur for murdering Joy (if I don’t get the name wrong) and kidnapping Rancho), I will narrate to you the possible cases…

CASE 1: the boy, by mistake, happens to ask his girlfriend ‘KYA KIA DIN BHAR’

CASE 2: his father catches him red handed with his girlfriend (doing something obnoxious if talked in western context…but in India, just being with the girlfriend cooks up the scene).

The odds in favor of case 1 do rarely exist because if he does so, the conversation won’t end in just 45 minutes (such talks continue for eons, but do end with the most beautiful phrase, I love you…)

But when I say that this happened to me, the second case is straightaway eliminated (leave the odds…)

Now that you think anything wild (as wild as masturbating…lol), I should tell you that I live miles away from my dad ;)

Cut the crap…

Btw it wasn’t a conversation (as I wasn’t speaking…neither did I lend it an ear, though I heard it)…it was a beating that, if I hadn’t known that my dad was on the other side, I would have definitely believed as if some horrendous demon on the other side has just tasted blood and is now trying to teleport through the telephone line to have some more (ahh…the connections are all wireless…;)).

This is what happens when your father somehow discovers that you aren’t studying, you have stalled your CAT preparations, you spend recklessly, you are not paying attention to your health, you aren’t putting up to his expectations...blah blah blah…

Framing it in a single sentence… you are behind a girl.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
I stayed up all night yesterday (I do it daily ;)), just to give a thought to what all he had said (blatantly)…

It was 7 when I finally came up with the conclusion that he was right and I should focus on my CAT preparations…

Leave the girl (Alas!!)…

And so did I go to the library as soon as it allowed the cool breeze to get in (according to me, cool breeze gets in at 10 i.e. one hour after they officially open the doors ;))…

I took out the study material that career launcher has provided me along with ‘hullabaloo in the guava orchard’, my dose of 'sort of tea' that owes to keep me from snoozing.

At around 11, I peeked out of the window just to find her there…

(As she hadn’t noticed me, she moved freely and that painted me red…only if she had, I would have felt guilty and she, distressed…btw I too am a human being and definitely not a criminal…)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was 11 (a few minutes had passed) and I came up with another conclusion that I should focus on my CAT preparations…

But why leave the girl??? (yippeee)

She happens to be the most ravishing backdrop in my every moment…how can I even think of smudging her???
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
I got to frame yet another definition of LOVE…

But all I can say is,

I can tell you a million things that it isn’t, but not one that it is.

P.S. – black is the colour of elegance and the best of all.

P.S. – so...my blog makes me famous in Accenture technologies...and the one who does it, has never met me....he is a reader of mine!! (Thanks Manish)

P.S. – now this is an excerpt from…somewhere…I really loved the lines…
Though I can’t reproduce it verbatim, but I will try to frame it myself…

‘She tripped and fell backwards towards the edge of the cliff. I ran towards her & just when she was going to fall down the cliff I caught her outstretched arm & pulled her back, but the momentum carried me forward.

My t-shirt was flapping like crazy, winds soared past my ears, the hint of her perfume was still there & with it was a feeling of happiness…. or…fear.
I looked back; she was safe. Her face said something but I couldn’t fathom it.

What do you do when you fall in love……………I fell.

When I opened my eyes, I was dead.’

paint you red


Its 3 o' 5 (by my watch) and I am sitting right in front of my laptop with those permanent tabs open in my browser.
Orkut, facebook, my blog, horoscope.com and ganeshaspeaks.com…this is how life moves.
My sun sign is cancer and sometimes I feel that god has cons pirated to strangle me before I die of cancer. And this is the reason behind the two open horoscope tabs (hopes in times of need). I have been following both the sites since September and believe me, horoscope.com is better (they never let you down…whatever they write might prove to be wrong but at least they leave no stone unturned in rejuvenating hopes).
Today, after a million days, I am visible on gtalk (not exactly…I was visible yesterday also)…
And all I am doing is staring at the little red busy status dot of someone (it has been over four hours).
At regular intervals, I do refresh pages and also update my status message just to seek attention of those who are online and have left you alone (this is what you do when your roomie is home).
And this proves quite affective too!
As an upshot of this, I got to communicate with spykar (my buddy) who fed me with the scoop that his life has been painted red again and that too by the painter of his choice, his lady love.
(Committed friends don’t usually have time for singles)
Ya…they had a fight and were at the brink of breaking off. But, its only love that brought back the festivity in their relations and that too on HOLI.
He is timid and she is gregarious. When he first told me that he loves her, I never thought that anything would ever make the two ends meet because I realized that he would never be able to tell her what he felt for her and she would never budge unless he did it himself.
I still remember when on an autumn evening I called him uphill (a scenic place in Bhopal) where she was on an outing with her gorgeous friend.
I pushed him to talk to her (being a common friend) but he stuttered…
She enjoyed my company more than him (yet I am single and he is in a relationship)…
(If only, her friend had liked me…)
But then, he saved her from falling off the cliff (why the hell girls wear high heels even when uphill) and broke his leg (how the hell people get to be a hero when they have to woo a girl…never happens to me)…
It was only then that he summoned up the courage to propose to her (but even then, he spoke the same dialogs that I had written for him earlier) and she did agree (why girls in my case aren’t this lenient...)
That is why they say…pain is the biggest healer
(Do they say anything like that or I did happen to frame it on my own? Anyways, I just mean to say that loss of leg i.e. pain healed his wounded heart)…
I don’t understand why people do not listen to their heart unless they lose something…
What it would have been if only he had fallen of the cliff in his endeavor to save her…
Sometimes hesitations take us nowhere but loss (at times they at least keep us alive with hopes)…
I am a being a bit nostalgic today…after all I have not been to my home and friends for the last six months…
But anyways, before I sign out I would only say…
Happy Holi 
P.S. –
P.S. – the first post script is silence…hope it speaks more than words…